http://www.adultforum.co.nz/ en Sun, 05 Sep 2010 09:54:25 GMT vBulletin 60 http://www.adultforum.co.nz/images/misc/rss.png http://www.adultforum.co.nz/ http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15065-An-Insight-into-Engineers&goto=newpost Sun, 05 Sep 2010 08:50:53 GMT Understanding Engineers

Two engineering students crossing the campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't fit."

Understanding Engineers - 2

To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers - 3

A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers
The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"

The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper, let's have a word with him. Hi George! Say, what's with that group ahead of us?"

They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

Understanding Engineers -4

Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons and Civil Engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers - 5

The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers - 6

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers - 7

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."

He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."

The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"

The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool." ]]> Off-Topic Wilbert http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15065-An-Insight-into-Engineers http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15064-Harold-Schlumberg&goto=newpost Sun, 05 Sep 2010 08:33:58 GMT Today is the 88th birthday of Harold Schlumberg

As we get older we sometimes begin to doubt our ability to "make a difference" in the world. It is at these times that our hopes are boosted by the remarkable achievements of other "seniors" who have found the courage to take on challenges that would make many of us wither. Harold Schlumberg is such a person.

Quote:
"I've often been asked, 'What do you old folks do now that you're retired'? Well ... I'm fortunate to have a chemical engineering background, and one of the things I enjoy most is turning beer, wine, Scotch, and margaritas into urine.."Unquote

Harold should be an inspiration to all of us. ]]> Off-Topic Wilbert http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15064-Harold-Schlumberg http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15063-Wirimu-and-the-World-Cup&goto=newpost Sun, 05 Sep 2010 06:20:11 GMT Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in Australia to watch the upcoming Rugby World Cup and was not feeling well, So he decided to see a doctor. ... Wiremu, a New Zealander, was in Australia to watch the upcoming Rugby World Cup and was not feeling well,
So he decided to see a doctor.


"Hey doc, I dun't feel so good, ey" said Wiremu.

The doctor gave him a thorough examination and informed Wiremu that he had long existing and advanced prostate problems and that the only cure was testicular removal.


"No way doc" replied Wiremu "I'm gitting a sicond opinion ey!"

The second Aussie doctor gave Wiremu the same diagnosis and also advised him that testicular removal was the only cure. Not surprisingly, Wiremu refused the treatment.

Wiremu was devastated, but with the Rugby World Cup just around the corner he found an expat Kiwi doctor and decided to get one last opinion from someone he could trust.

The Kiwi doctor examined him and said: "Wiremu Cuzzy Bro, you huv Prostate suckness ey."

"What's the cure thin doc ?" asked Wiremu hoping for a different answer.

"Wull, Wiremu", said the Kiwi doctor "Wi're gonna huv to cut off your balls."

"Phew, thunk god for thut!" said Wiremu, "those Aussie bastards wanted to take my test tickets off me!" ]]> Off-Topic Wilbert http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15063-Wirimu-and-the-World-Cup http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15062-The-Old-Priest&goto=newpost Sun, 05 Sep 2010 06:16:39 GMT An old priest lay dying in a hospital. He had faithfully served the people of NZ for many years. He motioned for his nurse to come near.
'Yes, Father?' said the nurse.
'I would really like to see Shane Jones and Chris Carter before I die', whispered the priest..
'I'll see what I can do, Father', replied the nurse.
The nurse sent the request to the Labour Party and waited for a response. Soon the word arrived; Shane and Chris would be delighted to visit the priest.
As they drove to the hospital, Shane commented to Chris, 'I don't know why the old priest wants to see us, but it certainly will help our images given the relations on our credit card spending, it might even save our political careers”! Chris agreed that it was a good thing wishing all the time he had bought Pansies rather than Roses for his boyfriend.
.
When they arrived at the priest's room, the priest took Shane’s hand in his right hand and Chris’s hand in his left. There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest's face.

Finally Shane Wilson spoke: 'Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?'

The old priest slowly replied, 'I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Amen', said Shane. Amen', said Chris..

The old priest continued: 'Jesus Christ our saviour died between two lying thieving bastards and I would like to do the same...’ ]]> Off-Topic Wilbert http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15062-The-Old-Priest http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15040-trouble&goto=newpost Fri, 03 Sep 2010 07:19:36 GMT Image: http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs205.ash2/46829_488863142541_638427541_6913544_8184571_n.jpg ]]> Off-Topic Adult Forum http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15040-trouble http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15037-Things-Men-SHOULDN-T-Say-Out-Loud-In-Victoria-s-Secret&goto=newpost Fri, 03 Sep 2010 04:49:42 GMT No Thanks. Just Sniffing.

I'll be in the dressing room going blind.

Mum will love this.

Do you have a "used" section?

Oh the size won't matter. She's inflatable.

No need to wrap it up. I'll eat it here.

Will you model this for me???

Does it have a drip tray?

Forty Five bucks?? You're just gonna end up naked ANYWAY!!

Oh, honey, you'll NEVER squeeze your ass into that!!

And my personal favourite...

Does this come in children's sizes? ]]> Off-Topic Rio4butts http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15037-Things-Men-SHOULDN-T-Say-Out-Loud-In-Victoria-s-Secret http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15032-ALIENS-ARE-HERE-!&goto=newpost Thu, 02 Sep 2010 23:02:26 GMT Female aliens are invading the earth and kidnapping men with big dicks. Most of you are not in any danger. I just posted this to say... Female aliens are invading the earth

and kidnapping men with big dicks.

Most of you are not in any danger.

I just posted this to say goodbye. ]]> Off-Topic Wilbert http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15032-ALIENS-ARE-HERE-! http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15024-This-one-s-for-Captbob..&goto=newpost Thu, 02 Sep 2010 11:03:00 GMT Happy drinking Cap'n.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XtMy5...eature=related ]]> Off-Topic goatmanhank http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15024-This-one-s-for-Captbob.. http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15020-How-to-start-a-fight&goto=newpost Thu, 02 Sep 2010 09:35:24 GMT One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift... The next year, I didn't buy her a gift. When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?' 'No,' she answered. I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
And that's when the fight started...
________________________________
I took my wife to a restaurant.The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And that's when the fight started.....
________________________________
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed, "He's my old boyfriend.... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
And then the fight started...
________________________________
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, pouring a drink. It was always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for
a short time and then went into the house.. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
_______________________________

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, "What's on TV?" I said, "Dust."
And then the fight started...
________________________________
Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and then Idiscovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed.. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
And that's how the fight started...
________________________________
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
And then the fight started......
_______________________________
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to me, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' I replied, "Your eyesight's nearly perfect."
And then the fight started........ ]]> Off-Topic Wilbert http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15020-How-to-start-a-fight http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15019-New-Buiness&goto=newpost Thu, 02 Sep 2010 07:57:53 GMT A friend of mine in Florida just started his own business,
manufacturing landmines so they look like prayer mats.
It's doing well.....
In fact buiness is booming...
He says Prophets are going through the roof !


:wacko:
Sorry, it is a bit weak, - I just couldn't resist ]]> Off-Topic Wilbert http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?15019-New-Buiness http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?14997-Circling-Sharks&goto=newpost Wed, 01 Sep 2010 04:53:35 GMT Why do Sharks swim circles around you before attacking? Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied... Why do Sharks swim circles around you before attacking?



Two great white sharks, swimming in the ocean, spied survivors of a sunken ship.
"Follow me, son." the father shark said to the son shark and they swam to the mass of people.

"First we swim around them a few times with just the tip of our fins showing." And they did.

"Well done, son! Now we swim around them a few more times with all of our fins showing." And they did.

"Now we eat everybody." And they did.

When they were both gorged, the son asked, "Dad, why didn't we just eat them all at first?

Why did we swim around and around them?

His wise father replied,

"Because they taste better without the shit inside!"

- Now following this same clear logic, next time i visit a wl, I'm gonna stuff a 2 foot long fake danger down the front of my trousers beforehand...:yes: ]]> Off-Topic Wilbert http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?14997-Circling-Sharks http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?14987-Buy-one-get-one-FREE-Iced-Diamonds-and-Red-Hearts-Party-Pills-by-A-Class&goto=newpost Tue, 31 Aug 2010 04:32:46 GMT PartyPillHighs.com has a special on A-Class Red Hearts and Iced Diamonds

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]]> Off-Topic Party Pill Highs http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?14987-Buy-one-get-one-FREE-Iced-Diamonds-and-Red-Hearts-Party-Pills-by-A-Class http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?14964-Goatmanhanks-Official-Funnies-Thread&goto=newpost Sun, 29 Aug 2010 22:36:17 GMT File the funnies in here mate :bluesuit: File the funnies in here mate :bluesuit: ]]> Off-Topic Adult Forum http://www.adultforum.co.nz/showthread.php?14964-Goatmanhanks-Official-Funnies-Thread