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Thread: Your funniest sex experiences.

  1. #21
    Justin Cyder's Avatar AF 500 Club Member Pro Membership
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    Funniest and also most painful was a trip to Rarotonga. A few too many G&Ts and both my companion and I (no longer working) got a bit carried away and went for stand up doggie on the balcony.

    Things were just coming to the boil, my partner taking care of herself whilst I am deeply inside and enjoying every moment when the next door neighbours made an appearance on their balcony just as we were both about to hit the spot. Immediate reaction from my lady was to stand up straight which somehow induced a massive orgasm which just brought me over the top as well. However the angle we were at just about snapped me. Painful, yes. Exhilarating,yes. We were trying to have this totally insipid conversation while staying sane.

    We saw the next door neighbours later at dinner and they confessed that they knew exactly what we were up to and that they had gone back inside and shagged themselves silly as a result.

    The offer of a foursome was on the table but that's another story and didn't work out too well once back in NZ.

    Cheers,JC

  2. #22
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    Staying at a campground with a GF. Had a big night at the local pub. Got in about 3am. Got into some pretty intense sex accompanied by an expletive rich commentary from her e.g. "you love to f my arse don't you you dirty c". We forgot we were in a tent, and surrounded by families. Got a few angry stares the next morning from neighbouring campers ...

  3. #23

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    NatashaSouth's Avatar Century Contributor Gold NZGirls Escort (Live)
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    Ooh, I can finally think of a couple

    I was with an ex I lived with at the time, we were watching tv on the couch, melting into it & pawing at each other. Things get to happening, the show we were watching had long finished and we were veering dangerously close to informercial territory, but who cares, I'm going down there face first, fuck yes, etc. etc. Really into it, until I hear the Shark Vac guy yelling, "Just look at that powerful suction action! Not a bit left behind!" We laughed until we cried.

    Another ex, we had returned home after a shitty dinner party. Details are hazy because of the box wine (haha yeah, I know) but I distinctly remember him screaming his own name during orgasm. I rolled off laughing, and laughed even harder when he denied it, desperately rattling off words that rhymed with his name because they were even more unbelievable. He sounded like a terrible freestyle rapper at gunpoint.

    Your funniest sex experiences.

  4. #24
    chuckie2's Avatar AF Jedi Pro Membership
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    When I used to see the girls at Sylvan Ave . My friend asked if I could see this hot new girl who was really shy .
    Anyway was having a great time in the missionary and asked her to do doggy . She got up and her knee hit me in the nuts farrkk . Needless to say that was me for the day and I had to put Woody on ice for an hour

  5. #25

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    Oh shit. I've come close to kneeing the jewels during a change in position quite a few times and I always apologise. My sincerest sympathies are with your sack, oof owie ouch. Having seen a couple of unfortunate sporting accidents, I still remember seeing a guy take a cricket ball so hard that he started throwing up uncontrollably and his eyes rolled back. Haven't laughed at anyone getting hurt in the nuts since, hoooo boy
    Your funniest sex experiences.

  6. #26
    chuckie2's Avatar AF Jedi Pro Membership
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    Quote Originally Posted by NatashaSouth View Post
    Oh shit. I've come close to kneeing the jewels during a change in position quite a few times and I always apologise. My sincerest sympathies are with your sack, oof owie ouch. Having seen a couple of unfortunate sporting accidents, I still remember seeing a guy take a cricket ball so hard that he started throwing up uncontrollably and his eyes rolled back. Haven't laughed at anyone getting hurt in the nuts since, hoooo boy
    After me she wasn't shy anymore , because she was too busy laughing at me hanging on to my knackers lol

  7. #27
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    I remember my first punt, upstairs on High St in Chch. Had bowled in just after the advertised opening time of 10 am. Apparently they weren't used to having business that early,but they weren't keen on letting me go. So had to sit and wait for a while with a WL who was still waking up and bolting down some breakfast. Ended up licking som spilt jam off her thighs in the reception. Finally they had enough staff present so we could go to a room, and after a bt more fluffing around with naked massage we had made arrangements for the FS. By the time she got e unwrapped she was beyond horny and climbed on top and started pounding. This was even better than I'd hoped, but I was trying to get her to slow it down. Just then the door opened and the cleaning lady walked in, then walked ot again quickly, forgetting to close the door. The plumbers working on the showers across the corridor broke into applause. Way to loose your inhibitions...

  8. #28
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    Many years and foreign bedrooms ago, I was thoroughly engaged in a light bout of kissing and cuddling; the delectable entrée to my very first punt. As nervous as I was, I did my utmost to bring out my inner Casanova and impress her with my sexual dexterity. Thus, I unclasped her bra with a quick, single-handed motion that I had learned as a teenager (such a stud, I know). I was so overwhelmed at this single-attempt success in sensuality (and the fucking delicious way that her tits burst forth) that I instinctively yelled: “Fuck yeah!” She jumped at the sudden loud machismo but laughed when she saw that I had blushed into a deep crimson. She shouted the same words when I climaxed later in the session. We both laid entwined in a helpless, giggling mess for the better part of ten minutes.

  9. #29
    Suburbanite's Avatar Regular Contributor Member
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    In the day when drink driving wasn't such a big deal my wife and I, along with a mate and his fiance went out for a flash meal. The girls were all done up , long dresses , the works. After dinner and many wines we headed back to my car for the trip home. Someone suggested skinny dipping at the local pools so I headed there. After surveying the fence we decided there was no way we were going to get the girls over so my wife and I wandered back to the car where we leaned against the car just cuddling while we waited for my mate and fiance who seemed to have gotten lost, yeah right. Next thing a police car pulls up along side. Cop asks "Is this your car?" "Yes it's my car. "What are you doing here?" Had a few wines with dinner, just getting some air before driving home. "OK have a good night." Drives off. Next thing my mate stumbles out from behind a tree not five metres away hanging on to his old fella. Apparently she was giving him a bj when the cops pulled up and in terror had clamped down on my mates boner. No sex for him that night, lol

  10. #30
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    I had one particular punt where we both got on really well. Same sense of humour and a lot of laughs. She was very energetic and was riding me with enthusiasm. We didn't notice the mattress had been moving further and further off the bed until we crashed on to the floor.

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