I have been married since 24, was with ex since 19' only ever partner up till 34! He was first everything.
I wondered what it would be like being single, but I became so reliant on him, as I grew up. Emotionally. And cos I lacked confidence in most things I got him to choose everything, etc.
I loved him as a friend but never a lover. See that clearly now. I stayed cos I was scared of coping on my own. Four yrs ago I nearly did but didn't. The feeling of needing to became stronger, end of 2013 I did it. Felt like the biggest bitch but I needed to experience single life. Independence. I had hit 40 ( secret is out I was not really 33 lol) I didn't want to waste more time being somewhere I didn't feel right. Hard cos as a friend he means the world to me.
I loved single life initially, but I was out dating straight away, ended up meeting a lot of guys I have now as good friends. They became fwb. So I was sorted. But my main fwb, whom I lived with got a girlfriend and that's when I realised I craved to feel loved and be with someone.
Went back to ex, coz I felt so bad leaving, but this time round he saw we weren't right and now we are mutually over.
I was going to enjoy my freedom this time, had my friends, my sex work was like many partners, lol, so no need for love of just one. But cupid decided otherwise and I met Rocco. Fell in love and am now happier than ever. He is everything I ever wanted.
Sometimes love just comes along, sometimes it's fun being alone, what ever way bein true to yourself makes you happiest. So just be true to your feelings.