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Thread: Thoughts for the New Year

  1. #1
    pinapple's Avatar AF Millennium Member Pro Membership
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    Default Thoughts for the New Year

    Just having a quick visit. During my time on this forum I often heard WGs say that through their work they helped save many marriages. This may be true but the question needs to be asked are the marriages involved worth saving?

    I started visiting WGs a few years ago after many years in a sexless marriage but, looking back, the lack of sex was by far the least of our problems. We had grown apart and were hardly talking. We didn't fight as the other person's opinion wasn't important enough to us to argue. Things had got so bad that we couldn't sleep in the same room.

    I used to say to myself that still loved my wife but I realise that staying had more to do with being comfortable. I loved our lifestyle. If we split we had to work out an arrangement between us for my son. We had to deal with his feelings. We owned a house (and mortgage) together. It looked too tough. It was easier for me to just pretend everything was OK and use WGs as a band-aid to get the intimacy I needed.

    Most married guys who read this will say "this isn't the case in my situation" and you may well be right, but take the time over Christmas and New Year and really examine where you stand. Are you staying because it's the easy option? Most change for the better (or worse) involves being uncomfortable. Sometimes in life you have to hurt people to do what's best.

    The shit hit the fan for me well over 6 months ago. I didn't pull the plug, my wife did. I don't regret her decision for one second. It hurt at the time but it had to be done. I look back on my married life and ask myself why I didn't see how miserable my existence had become. I was living to please everyone else but me. My son is still the happy guy he always was even though his mother has only seen him twice since the split. My finances have taken a beating but I still get to do what I want if I want it badly enough.

    I look at were I am now and my only regret is that one of us didn't have the sense to bail out of a relationship that was making both of us miserable years ago. I wonder how many opportunities I missed by playing it safe and fooling myself I was doing the right thing. Sometimes a door needs to close completely before another one can open.
    Last edited by pinapple; 25-12-2016 at 07:28 AM.

  2. #2
    scubamike's Avatar AF Millennium Member Pro Membership
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    Never an easy decision. Hope it works out well for you pinapple.

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    Wilbert's Avatar AF Jedi Pro Membership
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    Good to see you back again Pinapple.
    Merry Christmas.

  4. #4
    madg13's Avatar AF 500 Club Member Pro Membership
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    Merry Christmas pinapple. Great to hear from you, your presence has been missed.
    As usual, an insightful post.
    I'm glad things are working or for you.
    Have a great New Year my friend. Onwards and upwards.

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